His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
