And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
