11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
