Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

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(305): View more from Florida

If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.

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(561): View more from Florida

well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.

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(850): View more from Florida

ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE

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(561): View more from Florida

You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.

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