im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
