I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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