so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
