and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
