i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can't just leave with hair like that
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
