dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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