I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
