i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
