If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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