whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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