I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
