fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
