All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
