dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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