Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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