So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
