Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
