yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
