do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
