Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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