haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
