its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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