Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
