I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
