My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
