and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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