I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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