Your face is a jimmy john
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
