Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
