Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
