There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
