Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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