if i died would you start the facebook group?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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