Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
