just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
