I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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