so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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