I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
