so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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