I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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