Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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