I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
