Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
