I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
