i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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