She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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