a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
