I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
