I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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