whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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