Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
