I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
