When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
