Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
