he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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