not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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