I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
