please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
