I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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