How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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