I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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