he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
