perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
