Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
