Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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