He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
