when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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