Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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