he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
